Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
