The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
