You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
