I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
