i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
