Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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