I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
