drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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