My cat gives me a boner
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
