If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
