3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
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