what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
