youre lurking in front of me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
