I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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