You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
