Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
