hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
