between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
