Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
