does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
