Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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