I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
