Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
