my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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