I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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