That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
