what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
