If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
