should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
