Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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