i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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