MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
