You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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