so that wasnt chicken after all
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
