where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
