Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
