there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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