I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
fuck your aforementioned shoe
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize