My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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