so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
