ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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