I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
