I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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