so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
