he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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