something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
