I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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