if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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