Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
