Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
