we have pet lesbian snakes
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
