im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
