It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
