Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize