i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
