I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
