Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
