She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
