dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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