How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
