she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize