Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
