That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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